V-Day: Braided Hearts

Love makes you do stupid things.

Today, for those unawares, is Valentines Day. I claim to hate the holiday in all of its red, sweet, Hallmark glory, but I was the girl in high school (HIGH SCHOOL!) who handmade everyone, friend, foe, jock, geek, stoner, or other, a card. Why? Who the hell knows. I guess my craftiness just always got the better of me.

A few days ago I saw this post for Savory Braided Bread Hearts at Peanut Butter and Julie and I knew I had to make them for Andy. A quick note: I DO NOT bake. True, my last name is Baker, and no, the irony is not lost on me, but as a general rule I try to avoid things that require copious amounts of flour, yeast, or high-altitude adjustments. True, I made challah a few weeks ago to satisfy Andy's half-Jewish side, and we did make bagels for the holidays, yet I digress...

So, under the guise of making coffee and veggie-sausage muffins, I sneaked out to the kitchen to try my hand at the little braided bits of goodness. The result? Well, Andy is still sleeping, but I think they look scrumptious. Hopefully the extra dose of love I added will make them taste as good as they look. Plus I actually cleaned the whole kitchen (usually his job) so he didn't wake up to a mess. I told you love makes you do stupid things.

I'm now off to make more coffee (I drank the whole pot!), really make veggie-sausage muffins, and make Andy a Valentines Day card. Bust out the construction paper: here comes my inner-crafter to take over where the love-struck baker has left off.

Braided Bread Hearts
(OG recipe at Peanut Butter and Julie)

Makes five hearts

Ingredients:

2 cups flour(I used one cup bleached and one cup whole wheat)
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons dried thyme
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
3 tablespoons cold butter, cubed
1 cup milk
1 egg yolk
Sesame seeds, ground garlic, poppy seeds, optional for topping
(Look, Ma! No yeast!)

My quick and dirty, food processorless instructions:

Preheat your oven to eleven 350 degrees.

In a big ol' bowl, combine flour, sugar, thyme, salt, and pepper. Using a hand beater, mix ingredients.

Toss the butter pieces in to the bowl and mix some more. Once everything is as blended as you can get it, slowly pour in the milk with the beaters running. (Note: It might not take the whole cup of milk. I used almost a full cup as the whole wheat flour did not want to stick, but, alas, ended up adding a bit more flour to get it "doughy". I told you I don't bake.). I had to work the dough a bit with my hands as beaters are not ideal for "balling" dough.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and divide it into 15 equal pieces. Roll each piece in to a rope. Mine ended up being about 15 inches long, but if you're a better braider then I am, make them as long as you can stand (Julie suggested 28 inces, 1/4 inch thick).

Place three ropes side by side and pinch the ends together. Braid the ropes and then shape the braid into a heart, overlapping the ends. Transfer them to a lightly greased baking sheet. In a little bowl, whisk up your egg yolk. Brush each heart with said yolk and top with seeds or garlic, or nothing at all. I did a bit of all three.

Bake for about 20 - 25 minutes or until golden brown. If they don't brown, crank up the oven to 375 and bake for about five more minutes.

Let cool and serve with a sweet card, piles of kisses, and big smiles.

P.S.

Even though I do not have an artistic bone in my body, I did indeed draw, ink, and color that card. I rule.